Thirty-four days

A friend asked me recently what I would miss the most being gone for a year. At first consideration all the little things come to mind...I'll miss watching my Patriots tear through the postseason and win their 4th championship in 7 years. I'll miss having easy access to the internet where I can chat with friends or check my email whenever I want. And like I said before, I'll miss my friends here and all the things that will happen in their lives over the course of the year. But I think more than anything I'll miss people that understand me. In past trips to Namibia I've always been with teams of other Americans. This time around I won't have people who share my American perspective to sit and debrief with around a campfire. I won't have friends who understand my frustrations or know what I'm thinking simply by my facial expression. There's something to be said for investing 5 years in relationships and having people surrounding you who can challenge you and laugh with you because they understand you. So in reflecting on what it really means to be gone for an entire year, that's probably what I'll miss the most. But I trust that God will bring new people into my life while I'm there...in fact, I'm counting on it.

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We purchased my plane ticket last week. So now I have an official departure date, which makes it seem that much more real. December 2nd will be my last Sunday at Christ's Church, then I'll fly out the next day. I'll fly from Boston to Washington D.C. then straight to Joburg before catching the short flight up to Windhoek. I'm not sure of the exact times yet or how long my layovers are but that's the gist. So if you don't have plans come help me caravan down to Boston on Monday, Dec 3rd. :)

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Packing has officially begun, another thing that makes it seem that much more real. No, not packing for the trip, but packing up my stuff here. I don't have all that much stuff in the first place (as those who helped me move can attest), but most of what I do have I've been progressively tossing or giving away. The few remaining crates of personal memorabilia, irreplaceables, and junk that's special to me will end up packed away at my parent's house.

I love the discipline of simplicity. I love that for an entire year everything I'll have can be packed in a suitcase. Truth is I think we all know we can live on much less than we have. Even much of what we think we need is simply periphery, we're just not willing to part with it. The demands of discipleship often come into conflict with our greedy, materialistic, consumerist culture, and this area of 'stuff' is no exception. So like I said, I'm excited about the opportunity to take this rant of mine to another level of practicality.

So it begins

In Africa they say the dust mixes with your blood so you have to keep coming back. I've been to Namibia six times already on short-term missions teams from our church. And now I'm preparing for my seventh trip, this time for a whole year, so I guess it must be true for me.

Ever since 2004, I've been talking about going back long term. You can't really get a good idea of what African life is like in just a two week trip. Six months is closer, but a year(!), then I'll probably have a pretty good idea of what it's like.

Christ's Church has built some pretty cool partnering relationships with our friends in Namibia over the years. In February 2004, I walked with Dieter Morsbach over a plot of land listening to his visions and dreams. We've watched that plot mature into the Elim Centre where people are trained in life skills. We've all heard Brenda Johnston's story of going from Disney exec to director of Hope's Promise Orphan Ministries in Namibia. We've seen HPOM expand from Rehoboth to Arandis changing lives and communities along the way. We've seen God do amazing things in Namibia, and we're anxious to see more.

So in December 2007, I'm going to live for a year with our friends in Namibia and explore how Christ's Church can continue to advance our partnering relationships and be more involved in what God's doing there. Along the way I'll be learning much about life in another culture, what youth ministry is like in Africa, and what short-term missions looks like from the other side. Americans often go to do, to accomplish, to fix, but mostly I'll be listening, to God, to the people, to our friends. It's only from that context that we can begin to help.

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It took me a long time before I was willing to leave everything I've invested in over the past five years. I work at the greatest church any youth pastor could hope for. I've got great friends who support me and understand me. And I've absolutely fallen in love with the group of teenagers I work with. More than anything else, that's what's held me back. It took me a while to trust that God could continue to work in their lives without me here. As much as I want to watch them grow up and not miss a thing along the way, I have to let God be God and entrust them to His hand.

They say that somewhere around 95% of the world's youth workers work with 5% of the world's youth population in the United States. That leaves only 5% of the world's youth workers to work with 95% of the youth in the rest of the world! Every time I go to Namibia I see hundreds of kids who have no spiritual role models, no one to share God's love with them. This is my opportunity to fight the tide.

People ask me if I'm nervous, if I'm excited, and I have to say ya, a little of both. I'm excited to experience life in a place I've grown to love. I'm excited to be involved in what God's doing in Namibia and grow immeasurably closer to Him. I'm excited to live in a relationship oriented culture where 'stuff' doesn't accumulate and time doesn't matter. But at the same time, I'm nervous to be alone, amongst no one that can relate to the bit of American culture that I inevitably bring with me. I'm nervous that my cultural ignorance might get me in trouble, that I might mess up our relationships rather than help further them, that I'll forget to pack something important. :) But it's in all that excitement, and especially the nervousness, that I find faith, faith in a God who understands me and who's plans I can never mess up. So I'll be able to say with Job, "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you." (Job 42:5)

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So in a few short months I'll board a plane to reunite the dust in my blood with it's home. This will hopefully be the first of many posts like it, sharing my thoughts along the way. So thank you for being gracious in your literary critique and I invite you to join me on the journey by leaving comments from familiar voices back home.

Photo of the Day

Tara Leigh Cobble has inspired me by her "photo of the day" series on her blog, so I thought I'd add my own from Saturday's adventure to Vermont and upstate New York. Though I'm sure you won't find nearly as much amusement about this shot as I did. This family was attending a small-town wedding in Bicentennial Park. I slipped alongside their photographer and asked if I could take a shot as well. They were speechless as to why this stranger would want their photo so I snapped it quickly before they could say no. Although now I owe them a couple wallet-sized prints. (ps. I think my favorite is the little boy in the front holding his little stuffed animal.)

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On a more serious note, driving along the back roads, checking out the hillsides ablaze with color, left me plenty of time to consider country living. Having grown up visiting my many relatives in upstate NY I have a pretty good handle on what it's like to live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and I have to say, it's nice to visit, but I don't think I could live there.

Maybe I just have too much ambition (or delusions of grandeur) to be content living my entire life in a small country town, talking the latest gossip about nothing important. Maybe I've seen too much of the world (and the city) to get so wrapped up in small town drama. Maybe I'm just too young and restless to appreciate what so many people call home. I don't know, but it's not for me.

But as with anything, there are upsides to be learned from. There is something to say for investing your entire life in a particular community, building life long relationships with neighbors and friends, and the authenticity to talk to anybody and everybody. Those things I do value, but I don't think I could do it in the middle of nowhere.

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While at the park, a young teenage girl came up to us asking who was getting married as if we were with the party. She hadn't seen it in the paper or heard of anyone getting married around town. She went on to tell us how everybody knew everything in their small town. She had no regard for the fact that we were complete strangers and could probably care less except for the fact that we're not that rude and had just been talking about small-town folk and were amused that everything she was saying was corroborating exactly what we'd been talking about.

Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him

Reading through Matthew 6 recently, I was pondering what I know about God and prayer. I know a lot of people try and interpret "The Lord's Prayer" line for line and this is what it really means. That's not what I'm trying to do at all. I wouldn't really presume my interpretation upon it. I just know what it says. All I'm doing is just making a few observations:

"Our Father in heaven" - God already knows who He is and He knows my thoughts before I even think them so this address cannot be for God's sake, but perhaps just a reminder to me that God is my Father and He is beyond anything this earth could contain.

"Hallowed be Your name" - God is already perfectly holy so if this is a request then there's nothing He can do to make Himself more holy, so maybe it's just reminding me that God really is holy even though I don't always live like He is.

"Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" - God has never needed my permission or insight into when He will accomplish His ends. He will do as He pleases, when He pleases, whether I ask Him to or not. So maybe this is just a reminder to me that God really is in control, good does win out over evil, and this earth is not all there is.

"Give us today our daily bread" - In a few verses Jesus will explain how silly it is to worry about whether or not we will eat because God provides food even to the birds who aren't nearly as valuable as His sons and daughters. So do I really need to ask God to provide food for me, or do I just need a reminder that everything I have comes from the God Who Provides?

"Forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors" - My sins, past, present, and future, were forgiven when I confessed Christ. Am I really asking God to forgive me over again, or is more a reminder to me of the depths from which I've been forgiven, and that compared to those who've wronged me?

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one" - James tells us that God is not tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. So perhaps rather than a request, it's a reminder of God's goodness and His sovereignty over those who oppose Him.

If God is really unchangeable, then is prayer really for His sake or for mine? Does asking Him really help Him make up His mind, or does it change mine to recognize how utterly helpless I am and completely dependent upon Him for everything, from adoption to assurance, from provision to forgiveness, from sanctification to victory? All I know is I'm commanded to pray so I do, and it always tends to straighten out my perspective.

The physics of experiencing life

When shuttles return from the moon re-entry involves screaming through the flaming heat of the atmosphere. While coming home from Namibia isn't quite that bad, sometimes it seems like it. Anybody who's travelled cross-culturally knows what it's like to come home and experience the tension of not wanting to fall back into everyday life here but keep some of the tendencies and habits you learned in other places. For me it was walking.

Our last night in Arandis the pastor's daughter, Pearl, was hanging out at our house and so she wouldn't have to walk back home alone in the dark, a group of us walked her home. We walked the long way around, down the long, quiet road on the outskirts of town where there are houses on one side and nothing but desert as far as you can see on the other. The lights from the town aren't as bright on that road so the view of the stars is amazing. You can even see the Milky Way. I don't know whether it was short legs or just not wanting to go home, but she kept saying, "You're walking too fast." I'd hardly realized until she said it that half our group was way ahead and the rest of us were struggling to slow down enough to walk with her. It got me thinking how in America we're all about getting there. We're all about accomplishing the goal. The purpose of our outing was to walk her home and come back, we just set a pace to get it done without a second thought. But what Pearl understood, we totally missed. It didn't have anything to do with our velocity, but everything to do with our perspective. For her it was a last chance to spend time with these people she'd fallen in love with who would be leaving the next morning. She knew when we reached her house it'd be over. She was all about the walk, not the destination, so she kept reminding us, "Walk slower."

On our way home we made it all the way to Paris without a snag, then when we were about to board our last plane for the final leg home they delayed our flight another 10 hours. So we went about switching gates and going through security...again, and getting some food. We got online to update the blog and let people send messages home. But 10 hours is still a long time and we were all tired and emotionally exhausted, so people started getting frustrated and bored. Now I'm a pretty laid back guy and I'm in no hurry to get home, there's nobody waiting for me at the airport except the knowledge that I'll have to say goodbye to all the people I've grown so close to during the last two weeks, so I was getting a little frustrated that everyone was wasting away this last opportunity just being bored and complaining. I eventually dropped some comments to some different people in the least harsh way I could muster, and I think they got my drift. But it just reminded me of how often we go through life waiting instead of living.

So yesterday morning I went for a walk. I never go for morning walks in America, but in Africa it's not uncommon. I thought about how much I live from one scheduled activity to the next and about how much I miss in between. I imagined what it would be like to live in the 'in betweens' instead of in the schedule. I looked up from the ground and glanced around. I hadn't realized how much I was missing around me as I was watching where I would make my next step. I took a deep breath, and took my next step...just a little slower.